Slipping away
I wrote this kinda-looks-like-a-diary when I was 17 which
means in 2016. That year was my downfall but I kept it to myself and wrote it
in a book. It was not a failure kind of downfall but a breakdown kind of
downfall. I felt like everything that I have built just tumbled to the ground.
That everything was actually my friendship with certain people. They were dear
to me the past year but we kind of got drifted apart a little bit and barely
talked to each other.
Whenever I tried to start a conversation, this awkward
atmosphere slipped in between us so our conversations were cut short. I thought
that could outgrew the awkward atmosphere but I guess that way watered it
instead of pulling it out of the soil like how we throw weeds away.
Dear Peter,
I think myself is
slipping away again. Here is why;
Last year, I was
fortunate enough to be roommates with these 3 great people. Not gonna lie, I
felt a little bit jittery when I knew about it because I had never came close
to them. They were not arrogant or rude but I was just shy and felt out of
place to talk to them.
2015 was a lovely
year for me because everyone was very friendly instead of just sticking in
their clique like that was the only thing they had. I even let my inner-self
stood out a bit which I seldomly did.
Alas, time waits
for nobody. When January had passed to August, I started to worry. I was not
ready to let what I got go yet because I didn’t want them to leave. They didn’t
seriously leave me but we were not as close as we were before.
I tried to talk
with them but they were always busy and so was I. We had our own
responsibilities which just loomed bigger and bigger.
If only I could
turn back time, I would tell myself to be strong and ready for what is going to
come in future even if the changes is going to be too big for me to accept.
Frankly, I just
miss the past and I’m scared of the future.
Love,
Rylie
p/s : Peter and Rylie were my fictional characters who were very
close to my heart.
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